Subjunctive KoL: SaveUncleCrimbo

Crimbo 2006 took an unusual form. By coincidence, the Kingdom of Loathing Halloween (Porktober 8) happened to fall on December 25, thus creating a new, unexpected holiday: Crimboween!

The first hint that something was amiss was the appearance of a lonely Crimbo elf in the big mountains. He told you that Uncle Crimbo had been bewitched by Linnea, the Scream Queen, so that she could take over Crimbo. It's up to you to save him!

The first step was to get the chocolate lump from your Spooky Advent calendar, consume it, and rest twice, where two ghosts would visit you and tell you about the quest ahead of you. This would then open up Crimbo Rock, the Crimbo Town of millennia ago.

You then adventure in Crimbo Rock until you obtain the lit cigar. Using it would then give you the first contact with Uncle Crimbo. After using the lit cigar, you would then be given the option to open up Crimbo Right-About-Now.

In Crimbo Right-About-Now, Linnea rules the town with her scary workers! You adventure there until you obtain a plate of franks and beans, which you can use to get the second contact with Uncle Crimbo. This will give you the chance to advance to the Crimbo of the Future!

In the Future Crimbo, Crimbo festivities are controlled by the Crimborg. You have to battle in their futuristic factory until you obtain some peppermint schnapps. Using the peppermint schnapps allows you to save Uncle Crimbo! This gives you access to the time sleigh, which allows you to jump between any of the three Crimbo areas. It also means that you get an extra item in your Crimbo present!

After Crimbo itself, the quest ended, although the areas remained open until January 1st. You could continue to use the time sleigh until January 1st, at which point it became useless.

Each area consisted of three parts; like in Crimbo Town 2005, there was an adventure area, an area where you could assemble new toys out of parts obtained in the adventure area, and a food/drink area where you could buy some Crimbo foods and drinks.

Crimbo Rock

Crimbo Rock has the following three locations:

• Toy-Making Cave: Here, Ugh Crimbo, the first Uncle Crimbo, will make you various toys:
  • wheel (1 rock + 1 stick): accessory, +10% initiative
  • yo (1 rock + 1 stringy sinew): combat item, 17-20 damage
  • prehistoric spear (1 stick + 1 tooth): ranged weapon (1-handed throwing spear), 100 power, requires 35 moxie, 2x chance of critical hit
  • stick-on-a-string (1 stringy sinew + 1 stick): combat item, either 11-15 damage or dizzies your opponent, presumably weakening him
  • fire (2 sticks): hat, 10 power, +7 hot damage, effect: Head on Fire, Ass Catching
  • leaf tube (1 stringy sinew + 1 big leaf): item
  • toothsome rock (1 rock + 1 tooth): familiar, does absolutely nothing (like the pet rock)
• Simple Tool-Making Cave: The enemies here scale with your stats, although they are generally slightly weaker than you are. There is also one special quest item -- the big leaf -- which will be dropped once by a random elf.
• 10-LEAF CLOVER: No effect.
• flint-scraping cave elf (var. HP, var. XP; rock, stick; +0 Meat)
• hunter-gatherer cave elf (var. HP, var. XP; 2 teeth; +0 Meat)
• rock-banging cave elf (var. HP, var. XP; 2 rocks, stick; +0 meat)
• sinew-stretching cave elf (var. HP, var. XP; 2 stringy sinews; +0 meat)
• Eating Cave: Here, you can purchase various...interesting...foods. These are consumed immediately after purchase, so you can't save them for later. The consumables are:
  • twigs and gravel (50 Meat) (3-5 A, 5-6 Mus, 5-6 Mys, 5-6 Mox, 3 F)
  • shoots and leaves (75 Meat) (5-11 A, 7-8 Mus, 7-8 Mys, 7-8 Mox, 4 F)
  • bowl of unidentifiable goo (100 Meat) (9-16 A, 9-10 Mus, 9-10 Mys, 9-10 Mox, 5 F)
  • fermented honey (50 Meat) (3-6 A, 5-6 Mus, 5-6 Mys, 5-6 Mox, 3 D)
  • moons-shine (75 Meat) (6-10 A, 7-8 Mus, 7-8 Mys, 7-8 Mox, 4 D)
  • gin (100 Meat) (10-15 A, 9-10 Mus, 9-10 Mys, 9-10 Mox, 5 D)

Crimbo Town

Crimbo Town Right-About-Now is extremely similar to the Crimbo Town from 2005, except everything is just a little bit spookier. It also has three locations:

• Linnea's Monster Truck: Here, Linnea, the Scream Queen, will assemble your parts into toys. EVIL toys!
  • possessed top (1 spooky wooden block + 1 spooky toy wheel): combat item, dizzies your opponent, presumably weakening him
  • killer rag doll (2 evil googly eyes + 3 spooky wads of stuffing + 2 spooky squares of felt): off-hand item, requires 40 mysticality, +3 muscle
  • tree-eating kite (1 spooky length of string + 1 spooky felt): combat item, either does 20-25 damage (reusable) or tangles your opponent, presumably weakening him
  • incredibly creepy marionette (2 spooky lengths of string + 2 evil googly eyes + 2 spooky wooden blocks): off-hand item, requires 40 mysticality, +3 mysticality
  • fancy dress ball (1 spooky stuffing + 1 spooky felt): combat item, immediately ends combat
  • mad scientist's sock monkey (2 evil googly eyes + 3 spooky wads of stuffing + 1 spooky felt): off-hand item, requires 40 mysticality, +3 moxie
  • stuffed alien blob (1 evil googly eye + 1 spooky stuffing): combat item, transforms into a different random combat item
  • vampire duck-on-a-string (1 spooky length of string + 2 evil googly eyes + 2 spooky wooden blocks + 2 spooky toy wheels): weapon (1-handed flail), 100 power, requires 35 muscle, +5 melee damage, +5% item drops from monsters
  • toy crazy train (2 spooky lengths of string + 3 spooky wooden blocks + 6 spooky toy wheels): accessory, +10% meat from monsters (one only)
  • razor-tipped yo-yo (1 spooky length of string + 1 spooky toy wheel): combat item, 35-44 damage
  • toy mercenary (2 evil googly eyes + 3 spooky wooden blocks): combat item, does 30-35 damage at a cost of (damage-25) meat; reusable; no effect if you have less than 5 meat
  • evil teddy bear (2 evil googly eyes + 4 spooky wads of stuffing + 2 spooky squares of felt): familiar, attacks opponent and absorbs attacks during combat at the cost of its own XP
  • pet rock (1 evil googly eye + 1 spooky wooden block): familiar, does absolutely nothing (though the ingredients are different, this pet rock is identical to the one from Crimbo 2005)
• The Crimboween Spooky Cafe: Here, you can purchase various spooky and horrifying foods. These are consumed immediately after purchase, so you can't save them for later. The consumables are:
• gingerbread massacre (50 Meat) (3-6 A, 5-6 Mus, 5-6 Mys, 5-6 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 3 F)
• It Came From Beyond Dessert (75 Meat) (5-11 A, 7-8 Mus, 7-8 Mys, 7-8 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 4 F)
• vampire cake (100 Meat) (9-14 A, 9-10 Mus, 9-10 Mys, 9-10 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 5 F)
• ecto-nog (50 Meat) (3-6 A, 5-6 Mus, 5-6 Mys, 5-6 Mox, 3 D)
• hot toady (75 Meat) (6-9 A, 7-8 Mus, 7-8 Mys, 7-8 Mys, 4 D)
• hot choculate (100 Meat) (12-15 A, 9-10 Mus, 9-10 Mys, 9-10 Mox, 5 D)
• The Spooky Fright Factory: The enemies here scale with your stats and are generally about as strong as you are. There is also one special quest item -- the spooky frank -- which will be dropped once by a random spooky creature.
• 10-LEAF CLOVER: No effect.
• bow-making mummy (var. HP, var. XP; evil googly eye, spooky felt, spooky length of string, spooky stuffing, spooky toy wheel, spooky wooden block; +0 Meat)
• Cookie-baking Thing from Beyond Time (var. HP, var. XP; evil googly eye, spooky felt, spooky length of string, spooky stuffing, spooky toy wheel, spooky wooden block; +0 Meat)
• gift-wrapping vampire (var. HP, var. XP; evil googly eye, spooky felt, spooky length of string, spooky stuffing, spooky toy wheel, spooky wooden block; +0 Meat)
• skeletal reindeer (var. HP, var. XP; evil googly eye, spooky felt, spooky length of string, spooky stuffing, spooky toy wheel, spooky wooden block; +0 Meat)
• stocking-stuffing zombie (var. HP, var. XP; evil googly eye, spooky felt, spooky length of string, spooky stuffing, spooky toy wheel, spooky wooden block; +0 Meat)
• toy-making creature from the Gray Lagoon (var. HP, var. XP; evil googly eye, spooky felt, spooky length of string, spooky stuffing, spooky toy wheel, spooky wooden block; +0 Meat)

Crimborg Collective

The Crimborg Collective is a chilling vision of what Crimbo might (or will?) become in the near future. Like the other Crimbos, there are three locations: an adventure location, a toy-making location, and a food location.

• Uncle Crimborg's Hive: Here, Uncle Crimborg will assemble your parts into futuristic gadgets. Then you will be assimilated. The items are made in two steps: the first 10 items are components for the last five.
• servomechanical torsion facilitator (1 capacitor relay + 1 carbon nanotube frame): item
• quantum polarity inducer (1 capacitor relay + 1 ion grid): item
• bi-lateral logic compressor (1 capacitor relay + 1 Feynman gate): item
• computronic processing unit (1 capacitor relay + 1 logic synthesizer): item
• reverse-oscillating klystron (1 carbon nanotube frame + 1 ion grid): item
• sub-molecular interocitor (1 carbon nanotube frame + 1 Feynman gate): item
• recursive spline reticulator (1 carbon nanotube frame + 1 logic synthesizer): item
• atomic vector plotter (1 ion grid + 1 Feynman gate): item
• ion-pulse modulation stabilizer (1 ion grid + 1 logic synthesizer): item
• hyperbolic plasma focuser (1 Feynman gate + 1 logic synthesizer): item
• toy ray gun (1 high-resistance ultrapolymer plating + 1 servomechanical torsion facilitator + 1 hyperbolic plasma focuser): ranged weapon (1-handed pistol), 175 power, requires 72 moxie, +5 hot damage, 2x chance of critical hit (one only)
• toy space helmet (1 high-resistance ultrapolymer plating + 1 bi-lateral logic compressor + 1 atomic vector plotter): hat, 175 power, requires 72 moxie, serious stench resistance, serious spooky resistance, provides mostly accurate battle statistics during fights
• MagiMechTech NanoMechaMech (1 high-resistance ultrapolymer plating + 1 computronic processing unit + 1 sub-molecular interocitor): accessory, attacks monsters during combat (one only)
• astronaut pants (1 high-resistance ultrapolymer plating + 1 quantum polarity inducer + 1 recursive spline reticulator): pants, 175 power, requires 72 moxie, +30 maximum HP/MP, +5 muscle
• toy jet pack (1 high-resistance ultrapolymer plating + 1 reverse-oscillating klystron + 1 ion-pulse modulation stabilizer): accessory, requires 72 mysticality, effect: Get Me Off This Crazy Thing! (one only)
• Crimborg Nutrition Station: Thanks to the magic of the Crimborg neural interface, the items you can purchase here are the same as were available in CrimboTown. As usual, they are consumed immediately on purchase.
• gumdrop chow mein (50 Meat) (3-6 A, 5-6 Mus, 5-6 Mys, 5-6 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 3 F)
• candy cane pizza (75 Meat) (6-11 A, 7-8 Mus, 7-8 Mys, 7-8 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 4 F)
• gingerbread stir-fry (100 Meat) (10-16 A, 9-10 Mus, 9-10 Mys, 9-10 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 5 F)
• eggnogtini (50 Meat) (3-6 A, 5-6 Mus, 5-6 Mys, 5-6 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 3 D)
• candycaine (75 Meat) (6-10 A, 7-8 Mus, 7-8 Mys, 7-8 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 4 D)
• braincracker sweet (100 Meat) (10-15 A, 9-10 Mus, 9-10 Mys, 9-10 Mox, 10 Sugar Rush effect, 5 D)
• The Crimborg Collective Factory: The enemies here scale with your stats and are generally somewhat stronger than you are. There is also one special quest item -- the flask of peppermint oil -- which will be dropped once by a random bot.
• 10-LEAF CLOVER: Crates of Plates (3 high-resistance ultrapolymer platings)
• Killer Festive Arc-Welding Elfbot (var. HP, var. XP; capacitor relay, carbon nanotube frame, Feynman gate, high-resistance ultrapolymer plating, ion grid, logic synthesizer; +0 Meat)
• Killer Festive Decal-Applying Elfbot (var. HP, var. XP; capacitor relay, carbon nanotube frame, Feynman gate, high-resistance ultrapolymer plating, ion grid, logic synthesizer; +0 Meat)
• Killer Festive Laser-Calibrating Elfbot (var. HP, var. XP; capacitor relay, carbon nanotube frame, Feynman gate, high-resistance ultrapolymer plating, ion grid, logic synthesizer; +0 Meat)
• Killer Festive Weapons-Assembly Elfbot (var. HP, var. XP; capacitor relay, carbon nanotube frame, Feynman gate, high-resistance ultrapolymer plating, ion grid, logic synthesizer; +0 Meat)
• Rudolphus of Crimborg (var. HP, var. XP; capacitor relay, carbon nanotube frame, Feynman gate, high-resistance ultrapolymer plating, ion grid, logic synthesizer; +0 Meat)