Subjunctive KoL: MobHits

UPDATE: With the "accidental" destruction of Uncle P's Antiques by the Knott Yetis, the services of the Mob are no longer available, so this information is now just a historical curiosity.

The Penguin Mafia has rolled out a new feature where they will perform "favors" for you on a target or targets of your choice. If the target has a protection contract, the favor will not be performed and the contract will be consumed. (You can buy protection contracts for 10,000 meat each from Uncle P's Antiques.)

The possibilities, and what they do, are listed as follows:

• beat somebody up and break their knees - 10,000 Meat
• beat somebody up, break their knees, and break their familiar's knees - 20,000 Meat
• beat somebody up, break their knees, break their familiar's knees, and deliver the same to three of their contacts - 60,000 Meat
• The Don's Special - 100,000 Meat
• learn how many protection contracts a target has - 5,000 Meat

If you choose the first option, the target will get 10 turns of the Beaten Up effect and 10 turns of the Broken Knees effect (-30% Muscle). The second option adds in 10 turns of the And Your Family, Too effect (-10 familiar level).

The "Don's Special" causes the target to suffer, in addition to all of the above, a permanent loss of stats, proportional to level -- approximately equal to the amount lost from a PvP defeat. The target also acquires a severed rocking horse head (an accessory which gives +3 to all attributes).

The Council's response has been to take up a collection (bet you didn't see that coming) to buy some new Yetis for the Icy Peak to drive the Mafia out.